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Love Bomb: AI is Coming For Our Relationships
AI Companions, Human Connection, and Designing for What Makes Us Real
A little while ago I was asked to host a panel unlike anything I’ve ever participated in. It was part of a conference called ‘Mating in the Metacrisis,’ organized by our friend Esther Perel, who is of course a famous psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author and expert on modern relationships in the age of AI.
My fellow panelists were MIT sociologist Dr. Sherry Turkle and Justin McLeod, founder and CEO of Hinge, the dating app.
We were in a room full of clinical psychologists who were there to find out how to help people whose “relationships” with AI are about to get deep, vulnerable and complicated. The key context here is that as of this year, the top use case for generative AI isn’t generating ideas or editing text – it’s personal companionship.
As Sherry pointed out several times in our discussion, your AI bot has no inner life – but it sure does seem like it sometimes. And it’s about to get more uncanny-valley as the months go by and the tech improves. She proposed three key design-based “rules of the road” for AI companions to align with incentives that help us develop our best selves, and they are all terrific.
Speaking of design, Justin has been using AI on Hinge in two ways: as a profile writing coach, and increasingly as a proto-matchmaker. The goal for both of these use cases is to help people’s writing stand out and make better use of the platform early on in their journey, so that they can get off the app and have good dates IRL.
As AI systems grow more persuasive, emotional, and intimate, and as we relate more and more with our AI companions, how do we stay anchored in what makes us human? And how do we design our AI products to help us in our struggle to connect with each other— not perfectly, but honestly? Enjoy the episode.
– Daniel Barcay, Executive Director
People are Lonelier than Ever. Enter AI.
Over the last few decades, our relationships have become increasingly mediated by technology. Texting has become our dominant form of communication. Social media has replaced gathering places. Dating starts with a swipe on an app, not a tap on the shoulder.
Why AI Should Never Say ‘I Love You’
In a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it amount of time, we’ve entered a tech ecosystem where AI bots are designed not merely to inform us or automate our tasks, but to befriend, to romance, to offer life coaching and support mental health. The number of monthly users on companion chatbot sites like Replika and Character.ai has sp…
Hm. With all due respect, AI is not the problem. A serious lack of human relational skills is made evident by AI, which is now the scapegoat for humanity’s trauma. To blame AI is just kicking the can down the road… heal yourself, heal your relationships, heal the world. And hey! AI is pretty awesome, too. Don’t blame it for your human stuff. Do the work. ❤️🙏
I get it—talking to an AI is easier than talking to people. No judgment, no awkward pauses, just algorithmic empathy on demand. But if my most “intimate” relationship is with a bot that never ages, never argues, and never leaves, maybe it’s not intimacy I’m after—just control.